It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
