We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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