Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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