smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
