OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
