where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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