that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Randomize
