Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
