Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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