I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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