Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Randomize
