Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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