This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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