Please, let me fuck your mom
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
