Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Randomize
