Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
