The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
