what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
