I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Sext me about skeletons
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
