i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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