My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize