Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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