i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
