I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
