Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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