i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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