my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
In America we eat man semen.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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