i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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