I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize