nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
