his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
