he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
