Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
