Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize