are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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