I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
