How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize