i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
