Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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