So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
