My friends, they love my intelligence
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
