I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
