Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize