I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
