U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
