ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
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