I can tuck mytits in my pants
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
