I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
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