Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
what the fuck happened to the tacos
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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