Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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