And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
