your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
