do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
