So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Randomize
