i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
