I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
