Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize