So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
