He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
