You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Randomize
