You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
He did a backflip because drugs
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
