I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
