if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize