I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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