she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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