I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Randomize
