they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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