sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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