just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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